Well, I'm also facing a late winter blizzard tonight. So I will be focusing on the practical. Snow shoveling, bringing firewood inside for the wood stove, the making of soup. I'm avoiding social media; instead listening to favorite podcasts and, once the storm prep is done, reading books.
Thank you for this! Much needed today. I am doing very well career-wise, but finding it very weird to celebrate my success while the world feels like it's falling apart. But perhaps the best times to try to find joy are when everything else feels off kilter. I'm trying here.....and glad you are too. And it's always such a comfort to know none of us are ever alone. Thank you for that too. Write on.
I didn't know what to say exactly, and then I understood it's because you said it already: a lot of (bad) things going on, but our own lives carry on no matter what. We have a pandemic, but we do have a lot of stuff to do, we see war piercing through Europe -- something we, of our age, thought happened almost only in history books -- but deadlines just will not stop.
But nor do friends, and books, and small comforts. Those will make us sleep well.
Honestly, I kind of took the day off. Currently my 54-year old man feet have freshly manicured toenails that are drying a color called “I’m not only a waitress”, while I chat furiously in a thread with friends who are journalists, Russia observers and pundits, and European Commission employees about All The Things.
It snowed last night, and today the sun melted it away. It’s sunny and beautiful and I’m safe in the Pacific Northwest, and yet deeply connected with my previous life back in Budapest and in the Balkans during the IFOR/KFOR missions … and holding my breath.
"You're one of mine" had me well up a little, honestly, which likely means I could be doing better being vulnerable elsewhere. I basically lost a day to the doomscroll, with my time already restricted by the brain, so I'm now feeling pushed to run harder just as the going gets tougher.
On the other hand, I'm finally starting to pull in professional gigs. I'm also cautiously sounding out the possibility of a charity stream in a few weeks. The meds help when I remember to take them. And hopefully I'll be seeing some people dear to me soon.
The state of the world is a dire ongoing shaggy-dog-story of a joke that creaks on ceaselessly and relentlessly... but I'm ok. I'm ok. I number my sweet blessings, and hold the tiny flicker-flame of hope for the future in my hands. I love my friends and family. I reach out to hug them with words. I work, I rest, I play. I still believe in tomorrow.
Thank you for the words, and for inviting us into this shared space. It is not nothing.
I'm sad, but trying to remain pragmatic. Making sure I read about where my money is going before I make any donations. Make sure to give yourself a break if needed when possible!
Personally, here in my quiet life in Germany I am actually doing fine, most things in my life are going as they should and I have no personal worries right now, my family is OK, life generally is good. I even have plans for the next few months, going out and seeing concerts and theater. I've been looking forward to it for a while now.
I can only say this though, because I seem to have reached ignore mode, keeping my head own, quietly living my life. My brain is telling me I should care, yet my body is telling me to rather not go there and maybe take a nap instead. There are a million feelings under the surface, threatening to bubble up while my capacity for empathy seems to be at an all time low. If I allow myself to think about the state of the world right now, I feel helpless. If I don't look, does it go away? Is sticking my head in the sand a good coping mechanism? I am exhausted, wanting to yell "enough already", mixing all that with wondering if I am even allowed to feel these feelings, knowing I have nothing to worry about right now. All that makes me sad.
It's comforting to know I am not alone.
Somehow it seems fitting that a few days ago I watched Amanda Palmer recording a cover of Surface pressure from Encanto and now the song is stuck in my head.
I'm doing weirdly OK, actually. Whereas a couple of days ago I was in a much worse mood, that's more because of work stresses than anything else. Though also social isolation. I've come to realise that I do need contact with other people every so often, and being by myself for too many days is not good for my mental health. Social media was good for me during lockdown, but it can only help so much.
I'm going into the office two days a week at the moment (Wed and Thurs), and after the days when I go in, though the work remains a pain, I'm feeling much better. So the removal of Covid restrictions here, even if it was premature, is something I'm broadly happy about.
Also, saw my sister and her young baby today for the first time in a few weeks, which is always a positive. No day that involves spending time with a baby can be that bad!
So good to read this post and the thread that followed, a small portrait of how everyone's doing at the time of writing.
I am just heart broken. My "manager" (the best way to put it, although not really a manager) was unfairly fired today and when I saw the news this morning it was hard to hold back the tears.
Just trying to stay open to feel what comes, in the middle of long hours of work.
Why do I feel like a bride of Dracula all of a sudden . . . ?
I'mmmm . . . OK. A bit more down than usual this morning due to the invasion news (first trying to figure out if it was more bullshit ie there are no breakaway republics, so Putin _really_ invaded Ukraine rather than just moving troops into friendly territory or the Real Thing, then scrambling to get ready after discovering I'd gotten behind schedule while digging into What Really Happened), then getting back into the swing of things with my classes (found a good analysis from Richard Seymour, so that helped, too), then up a bit when things moved forward on the New Campaign front (so far a vote for RoleMaster's Outlaw), then up more when I found out I'd have tomorrow off and maybe some fewer classes next week (all unpaid but I can take that). Looks like not too many dishes in the offing later and a chance to get an early start on next week's prep-work (with fewer classes than usual), so things are at "OK". Like you, I find myself now waiting for the universe to get its anus lined up with my face again . . . .
I am doing pretty well, all things being even. I reactivated my Patreon after having taken a break for a while, Because Thyroid Cancer, among other things. My way of dealing with the World has always been to throw more art at it, so that's what I'm doing. Still recovering from my thyroidectomy of eight months ago. Mostly making sure that I don't stay stuck to the news or doomscrolling anything. I have coffee. My family is with me. We have a roof over our head and enough food to eat, which has not always been true in my life.
Make sure you continue to care for yourself, Laurie. You're one of the good things in my life too.
The pipes haven't frozen again (yet) and I managed to perform minor piece of home maintenance without getting crushed to death by a drying machine, so I'm going to call this week a success, as well. Sometimes it seems that's all we can do...
Well, I'm also facing a late winter blizzard tonight. So I will be focusing on the practical. Snow shoveling, bringing firewood inside for the wood stove, the making of soup. I'm avoiding social media; instead listening to favorite podcasts and, once the storm prep is done, reading books.
Be well, Laurie.
Thank you for this! Much needed today. I am doing very well career-wise, but finding it very weird to celebrate my success while the world feels like it's falling apart. But perhaps the best times to try to find joy are when everything else feels off kilter. I'm trying here.....and glad you are too. And it's always such a comfort to know none of us are ever alone. Thank you for that too. Write on.
So many of us could use a real nap! Two years without childcare. But frankly, so many others have it worse.
I didn't know what to say exactly, and then I understood it's because you said it already: a lot of (bad) things going on, but our own lives carry on no matter what. We have a pandemic, but we do have a lot of stuff to do, we see war piercing through Europe -- something we, of our age, thought happened almost only in history books -- but deadlines just will not stop.
But nor do friends, and books, and small comforts. Those will make us sleep well.
Keep rowing, and keep smiling.
Honestly, I kind of took the day off. Currently my 54-year old man feet have freshly manicured toenails that are drying a color called “I’m not only a waitress”, while I chat furiously in a thread with friends who are journalists, Russia observers and pundits, and European Commission employees about All The Things.
It snowed last night, and today the sun melted it away. It’s sunny and beautiful and I’m safe in the Pacific Northwest, and yet deeply connected with my previous life back in Budapest and in the Balkans during the IFOR/KFOR missions … and holding my breath.
Ugh. I’m just ugh.
Other than heartbroken at the state of the world a-mm-mm-gain? Tired, mostly.
"You're one of mine" had me well up a little, honestly, which likely means I could be doing better being vulnerable elsewhere. I basically lost a day to the doomscroll, with my time already restricted by the brain, so I'm now feeling pushed to run harder just as the going gets tougher.
On the other hand, I'm finally starting to pull in professional gigs. I'm also cautiously sounding out the possibility of a charity stream in a few weeks. The meds help when I remember to take them. And hopefully I'll be seeing some people dear to me soon.
I take a nap every day, it makes me happier.
The state of the world is a dire ongoing shaggy-dog-story of a joke that creaks on ceaselessly and relentlessly... but I'm ok. I'm ok. I number my sweet blessings, and hold the tiny flicker-flame of hope for the future in my hands. I love my friends and family. I reach out to hug them with words. I work, I rest, I play. I still believe in tomorrow.
Thank you for the words, and for inviting us into this shared space. It is not nothing.
I'm sad, but trying to remain pragmatic. Making sure I read about where my money is going before I make any donations. Make sure to give yourself a break if needed when possible!
Personally, here in my quiet life in Germany I am actually doing fine, most things in my life are going as they should and I have no personal worries right now, my family is OK, life generally is good. I even have plans for the next few months, going out and seeing concerts and theater. I've been looking forward to it for a while now.
I can only say this though, because I seem to have reached ignore mode, keeping my head own, quietly living my life. My brain is telling me I should care, yet my body is telling me to rather not go there and maybe take a nap instead. There are a million feelings under the surface, threatening to bubble up while my capacity for empathy seems to be at an all time low. If I allow myself to think about the state of the world right now, I feel helpless. If I don't look, does it go away? Is sticking my head in the sand a good coping mechanism? I am exhausted, wanting to yell "enough already", mixing all that with wondering if I am even allowed to feel these feelings, knowing I have nothing to worry about right now. All that makes me sad.
It's comforting to know I am not alone.
Somehow it seems fitting that a few days ago I watched Amanda Palmer recording a cover of Surface pressure from Encanto and now the song is stuck in my head.
I'm doing weirdly OK, actually. Whereas a couple of days ago I was in a much worse mood, that's more because of work stresses than anything else. Though also social isolation. I've come to realise that I do need contact with other people every so often, and being by myself for too many days is not good for my mental health. Social media was good for me during lockdown, but it can only help so much.
I'm going into the office two days a week at the moment (Wed and Thurs), and after the days when I go in, though the work remains a pain, I'm feeling much better. So the removal of Covid restrictions here, even if it was premature, is something I'm broadly happy about.
Also, saw my sister and her young baby today for the first time in a few weeks, which is always a positive. No day that involves spending time with a baby can be that bad!
So good to read this post and the thread that followed, a small portrait of how everyone's doing at the time of writing.
I am just heart broken. My "manager" (the best way to put it, although not really a manager) was unfairly fired today and when I saw the news this morning it was hard to hold back the tears.
Just trying to stay open to feel what comes, in the middle of long hours of work.
Thanks for holding this space.
"you’re one of mine"
Why do I feel like a bride of Dracula all of a sudden . . . ?
I'mmmm . . . OK. A bit more down than usual this morning due to the invasion news (first trying to figure out if it was more bullshit ie there are no breakaway republics, so Putin _really_ invaded Ukraine rather than just moving troops into friendly territory or the Real Thing, then scrambling to get ready after discovering I'd gotten behind schedule while digging into What Really Happened), then getting back into the swing of things with my classes (found a good analysis from Richard Seymour, so that helped, too), then up a bit when things moved forward on the New Campaign front (so far a vote for RoleMaster's Outlaw), then up more when I found out I'd have tomorrow off and maybe some fewer classes next week (all unpaid but I can take that). Looks like not too many dishes in the offing later and a chance to get an early start on next week's prep-work (with fewer classes than usual), so things are at "OK". Like you, I find myself now waiting for the universe to get its anus lined up with my face again . . . .
I am doing pretty well, all things being even. I reactivated my Patreon after having taken a break for a while, Because Thyroid Cancer, among other things. My way of dealing with the World has always been to throw more art at it, so that's what I'm doing. Still recovering from my thyroidectomy of eight months ago. Mostly making sure that I don't stay stuck to the news or doomscrolling anything. I have coffee. My family is with me. We have a roof over our head and enough food to eat, which has not always been true in my life.
Make sure you continue to care for yourself, Laurie. You're one of the good things in my life too.
The pipes haven't frozen again (yet) and I managed to perform minor piece of home maintenance without getting crushed to death by a drying machine, so I'm going to call this week a success, as well. Sometimes it seems that's all we can do...