Your sensitivity -- sorry, Laurie, I don't know what else to call it -- has drawn me to your writing for years. It's the nuance, the scrupulous effort to get the unsaid said, and said as well as possible, with all of the compassion and urgency required for it.
I'm mildly neurodivergent, only recently diagnosed, but also majorly bipolar. Almost all of my behavior therefore is adaptive because it must be. But there's a defiant core in there that holds the various shifting personae together, and I've never not been aware of it.
And in you that unassailable nexus seems to be the irrevocable fact that you care, and care enough to make it known, comprehensively articulated in a way that cannot be ignored.
Your anecdote about the angry teacher, and your response, is a perfect descriptive of being autistic in a world running on alien and incomprehensible rules. Since my own (unofficial, but peer-reviewed) self-diagnosis in my 60s,after a lifetime of masking that never, ever, quite worked, I've found how most of the people I've formed community with are autistic, ADHD, both… NT people may detect our divergent energies, with unhappy consequences, but we see (and hear) each other too. I understand my life, my self, better now; the horrors of my past are no less. but their shape makes sense and I no longer blame myself, my choices and actions meant that I survived. Now, I've discovered that I'm no longer alone.
".. it is believed about 2% of the population has significant autistic traits"
That number is so low, we're barely scratching the surface. I live in a condo is downtown Vancouver, we have 27 suites in my elevator, I've met multiple AuDHD people in that one elevator. We're way undercounting and it affects so many things we see.
I'm sorry this has cost you a partner and a job. It should have cost you nothing and I'm sorry it did.
Thank you for speaking out and putting your face to this thing. The more we talk about it, the more that 2% grows and the more inclusive we can make this place.
This is a brilliant piece of writing. My own two kids were diagnosed in their 30s. They always seemed fine to me, growing up. We used to have long in depth conversations from an early age, and now at 72 (and ADHD) I’m wondering why the three of us always got on so well….
I've noticed that writers whose fluid expression I admire -- Ellen Willis, Renata Adler -- were not fluid public speakers. They think out loud. They surround ideas and force them to surrender. I just assumed this was how some writers' brains worked. Choppy, but efficient. I've also heard skilled public speakers, but have not read their words.
I've heard you speak on one occasion, at Magers & Quinn Booksellers in Minneapolis; you were flogging BITCH DOCTRINE. I thought you knit together ideas brilliantly, often with a mild prompt. And the book sparked numerous annotations.
If I can access your essay, I'll read it. I'm assuming everyone is neurodivergent these days.
" I have an uncanny ability not only to remember the lyrics of every song I’ve ever heard but to repeat them at the least socially appropriate moment." OK. I try to keep this under control. As a live music fun, I enjoy when obscure patter songs stir a memory.
Your sensitivity -- sorry, Laurie, I don't know what else to call it -- has drawn me to your writing for years. It's the nuance, the scrupulous effort to get the unsaid said, and said as well as possible, with all of the compassion and urgency required for it.
I'm mildly neurodivergent, only recently diagnosed, but also majorly bipolar. Almost all of my behavior therefore is adaptive because it must be. But there's a defiant core in there that holds the various shifting personae together, and I've never not been aware of it.
And in you that unassailable nexus seems to be the irrevocable fact that you care, and care enough to make it known, comprehensively articulated in a way that cannot be ignored.
Thanks for all of it.
Your anecdote about the angry teacher, and your response, is a perfect descriptive of being autistic in a world running on alien and incomprehensible rules. Since my own (unofficial, but peer-reviewed) self-diagnosis in my 60s,after a lifetime of masking that never, ever, quite worked, I've found how most of the people I've formed community with are autistic, ADHD, both… NT people may detect our divergent energies, with unhappy consequences, but we see (and hear) each other too. I understand my life, my self, better now; the horrors of my past are no less. but their shape makes sense and I no longer blame myself, my choices and actions meant that I survived. Now, I've discovered that I'm no longer alone.
".. it is believed about 2% of the population has significant autistic traits"
That number is so low, we're barely scratching the surface. I live in a condo is downtown Vancouver, we have 27 suites in my elevator, I've met multiple AuDHD people in that one elevator. We're way undercounting and it affects so many things we see.
I'm sorry this has cost you a partner and a job. It should have cost you nothing and I'm sorry it did.
Thank you for speaking out and putting your face to this thing. The more we talk about it, the more that 2% grows and the more inclusive we can make this place.
" I was decisively divorced. . . . My bosses told me my work was wonderful and I shouldn’t worry. I was fired the next day."
Assholes . . . .
This is a brilliant piece of writing. My own two kids were diagnosed in their 30s. They always seemed fine to me, growing up. We used to have long in depth conversations from an early age, and now at 72 (and ADHD) I’m wondering why the three of us always got on so well….
Appreciation and respect.
I've noticed that writers whose fluid expression I admire -- Ellen Willis, Renata Adler -- were not fluid public speakers. They think out loud. They surround ideas and force them to surrender. I just assumed this was how some writers' brains worked. Choppy, but efficient. I've also heard skilled public speakers, but have not read their words.
I've heard you speak on one occasion, at Magers & Quinn Booksellers in Minneapolis; you were flogging BITCH DOCTRINE. I thought you knit together ideas brilliantly, often with a mild prompt. And the book sparked numerous annotations.
If I can access your essay, I'll read it. I'm assuming everyone is neurodivergent these days.
" I have an uncanny ability not only to remember the lyrics of every song I’ve ever heard but to repeat them at the least socially appropriate moment." OK. I try to keep this under control. As a live music fun, I enjoy when obscure patter songs stir a memory.
Thank you for writing this.